Dear Second Wife Seeker

I am writing this article in response to several postings and email regarding the issue of second wife, or third or even the fourth wife;

Having traveled in twenty-six cities over the past two months just across the UK, would you believe that the issue of second wife was raised at least several times in each of my visit per city (either as a joke or serious question). So my question is that, the brothers that are asking this question, are they really seeking or considering a second wife... or is it to merely to feed a fantasy or curiosity? Because if the Brothers were serious, then how many do you or I know whom have a second wife? Well, they are a rare breed.

My point is this, of course this is a sunnah of the Prophet (saw), and encouraged in Islam, as the Hadith that, the one who has a wife is better than the one that has none, and the one that has two is better than the one that has one, and so on until the fourth. This is an abandoned sunnah which I think needs to be revived. In the western culture, polygamy is a taboo that is frowned upon yet promiscuity and having illicit and illegal affairs are symbols of prosperity, freedom and liberation. This Sunnah is a solution not for the faint hearted but one for a big heart. This is a solution to the civil derogation and social dysfunctions facing us today.

Few awakening facts;

• The US Census Bureau published that there are more than 10 million single mothers, and further more 80% of them had children bellow the age of 18. 
• Nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands each year and will be widows for an average of 14 years" 
• 16% of all Women are disabled. 
• Disabled girls are twenty times less likely to be married. 
• More than 12 million orphans come to the age of marriage per year across the globe.
• The armed conflicts of the past decade have created more than 30 million (1989 numbers) refugees and displaced persons and the vast majority of these, approximately 80%, are women and children. 

So I ask the question, how many brothers are willing to take a wife who is a widow, single mother, disabled or an aged orphan. Now this question to oneself should really distinguish for you, between wanting to discover an abandoned Sunnah, and just fueling their curiosity by playing with the fantasy of a Turkish Harem. 

Dear Sister with a husband,

I also ask my sisters, that in the society where there are huge challenge facing Muslims, particularly your fellow sisters, who are suffering beyond torment, yet they hold onto patience like a warm garment in the winter night.

Do you declare that your love and loyalty for Allah and His Messenger? Do you say that my world and I are sacrifice in the way of Allah? Then, do you not love for your fellow sister what you love for yourself? Do you not want your sister to have the basic needs of a comforting home, a safe shelter, a full stomach, so that they may praise Allah for His bounty? Do you not want to adopt a sister who is closer to you then blood, a connection of the heart, a connection of the soul, a relationship forged for the sake of Allah? Surely, this would be your sacrifice in the way of Allah for a reward which can not be measured as the mercy of Allah and His generosity is beyond measure.

If you are fed-up of hearing your husband go-on about a second wife, teasing or joking about it. This is also a good way to stop him in his tracks. Say, ‘praise is to Allah’, this is a Sunnah of Allah messenger that I shall not deny, and I shall encourage you to enjoy what has been madehalal.

Say to the Brother that you will choose a wife for him, one that is in need of a husband and one who isn’t able to get one for social or other reasons (for example, a widow, single mother, sister with disability etc). If the brother agrees, then he is a brother of taqwah (seeks the pleasure of Allah) and a brother who will not take anything away from you in your relationship with him, will be just and balanced husband. If he disagrees, then your problem is solved… no more digs, teases or jokes about a second wife.

Dear Brothers with a Gem (wife),

Extract the honey but do not break the hive. Everything that has gentleness in it is beautified, and whatever lacks it is spoiled. When a bee lands on a flower it does not destroy it, because Allah rewards gentleness with that which He does not give for harshness. Your wife is a gift to you from Allah, she is an amanah (trust) given to you for your comfort.

Allah will hold you personally responsible for that trust, in a Day when you have no escape. We must question how well we are treating, keeping and providing for our wives that Allah has blessed us with, before thinking about another. Secondly, know that Allah say that our ‘Wives and our children’ are trail for us in this world; trail because they are our responsibility and obligations. And we will be held accountable for them. So let us ask ourselves the question, of how strong are we for more trails, when we are already struggling.